I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
