It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
