So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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