Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
