I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
