I want to walk on stilts...naked
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
