My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You ate ashes out of my bong
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
