So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
