my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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