I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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