What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
