3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize