Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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