so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
