If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
high people should be assigned attendants
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
