but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
