I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize