I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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