Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
