Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
sarcasm needs its own font
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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