The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
