i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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