Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
