I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
