is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
