Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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