There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
