we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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