Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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