you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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