Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
