Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
