Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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