Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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