There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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