So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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