Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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