I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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