we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
