How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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