Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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