yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
