Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
