Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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