who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I need to stop coming to work sober
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
