If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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