She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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