You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
