I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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