Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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