i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
