I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
