what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
