is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
