I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
