So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
