i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
