When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
