Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
