i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
