Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I want a musical about memes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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