I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
