the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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