U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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