how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize