Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
