omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
