My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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