Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
