I CAN MOONWALK!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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