Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sarcasm needs its own font
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
