come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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