i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
