I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
