so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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