I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
