In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize