She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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