i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
