then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Randomize
