i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
