brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
