I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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