I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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