You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
