you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize