She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
