Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
